1.Age?
a. 10-20
b. 20-30
c. 30-40
d. Baby Jane-itis
e. What's age got to do with it?

2. Marital Status?
a. Bridget Jones
b. Co-habitation
c. Married
d. Born-again virgin
e. Your place or mine?

3. Family Routes?
a. Cape Verde
b. Ghana, UK
c. Jamaica, UK, India, Spain
d. Nigeria, UK, Brazil, Ireland, Germany
e. Morocco

4. Birthplace?
a. Lisbon
b. Lagos
c. London
d. Leeds
e. Los Angeles

5. Horoscope?
a. Gemini
b. Scorpio
c. Leo
d. Cancer
e. Aquarius

6. Parents?
a. Musician and Singer
b. Doctor and Nurse
c. Teacher and Welder
d. Bus Driver and Ticket Collector
e. Socialite and (another) Nigerian prince

7. Childhood Religion?
a. Door-knockers
b. Kill not a living thing
c. Candles on Bodmin Moor
d. Guilt is a good thing
e. Tambourine-thumping tongue talkers

8. Sibling Stats?
a. Only child
b. Eldest of 2
c. Third of 4
d. Youngest of 5
e. Fourth of 8

9. Time travel?
a. The dawn of time
b. Roman London
c. Elizabethan England
d. UK 2200
e. Armageddon

10. Music as Muse?
a. Gregorian Chants
b. Luther Vandross
c. Fela Kuti
d. Abdullah Ibrahim
e. Ozzy Osbourne

11. Novel?
a. The Bone People (Keri Hulme)
b. The Famished Road (Ben Okri)
c. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
d. Remains on the Day (Kazuo Ishiguro)
e. All the above and many more

12. Lara's father's name?
(From Lara, 1997)
a. Trev
b. Taiwo
c. Tunde
d. Theolonius
e. Tariq

13. Suleika's Hood?
(From The Emperor's Babe, 2001)
a. Brixton
b. Brooklyn
c. Londinium
d. Brighton
e. Broughton-in-Furness

14. In the above, Venus is?
a. Transgender
b. Transvestite
c. Bi-sexual
d. Bi-polar
e. A planet

15. I mean, have you read any of my work?
a. Er...can I call you back?
b. I've been meaning to but...
c. Er...how do you spell your name?
d. You can't make me!
e. Yes (smile)

16. Early Loves?
a. Under Milk Wood (Dylan Thomas)
b. Le Morte d'Arthur (Tennyson)
c. Kon Tiki et al (Thor Heyerdal)
d. The Threepenny Opera (Brecht/Weil)
e. The Fire Next Time (James Baldwin)

17. Write – Why?
a. Transformation
d. Thumbprint
c. Imagination
d. Adventure
e. Oxygen

I8. Most overused?
a. A dry white wine, please
b. C'mon, think positive!
c. Why me?
d. Why not me?
e. No, I don't have a Nectar card

19. Regrets?
a. None (so sanctimonius)
b. That relationship
c. And that one too
d. How long have you got?
e. Midnight, Hyde Park, 1989

20. Motto
a. Feel the fear & do it anyway (Susan Jeffers)
b. Genius is 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration (Einstein)
c. Love is letting go of fear (someone)
d. A hard man – is good to find (Mae West)
e. I never saved anything for the swim back (Gattaca)

ANSWERS

1. E 2pts 2. E 2pts 3. D 2pts 4. C 2pts
5. A 2pts 6. C 2pts 7. D 2pts 8. E 2pts
9. All 2pts each 10. D 2pts 11. E 2pts 12. B 2pts
13. C 2pts 14. B 2pts 15. E 30pt bonanza! 16. All 2pts each
17. All 2pts each 18. All 2pts each 19. A 2pts 20. E 2pts

Under 10
Sadly, about six billion others share your ailment. So, what will it take for you to notice me? A 10 ft poster in the underground? A spot on Richard & Judy? A fatwa? Start by reading my books and visiting my website www bevaristo.net. Signs of improvement should be swift and you will soon feel better about yourself. If not, try Prozac.

10-30
You're the kind of person who can work harder but doesn?t. What's holding you back? Lack of encouragement as a child? Fear of failure? If you want to stand out as an individual, start by reading Soul Tourists then work your way backwards. You might be pleasantly surprised and you will elevate yourself above the crowd.

32-40
You're almost there, all you need do is develop your mind-reading skills cos, I admit it, you really needed them to answer this quiz. You have no excuse, because in this age of personal development, there are lots of 'Develop Your Intuition' courses available. You have the potential, so catch up now and make the top 10%.

Over 40
Congratulations! How does it feel to be a cut above the others? Nice, eh. You are well-read and well-informed. You are perceptive. You have an intelligent and pleasing personality and you are set on the path to enlightenment and fulfilment. God Bless. (And how about a cappuccino sometime soon?)

Soul Tourists by Bernardine Evaristo is now in paperback   Read more

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